


Holding On To Humanity

by Rugs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Dead in a barn, Father-Son Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Heaven, M/M, Spoilers, Supernatural fucked up my sleep schedule and my emotional stability, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29259123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rugs/pseuds/Rugs
Summary: Cas is saved from the Empty by Jack. Once is brought back as a human and discovers Dean is dead, he is given two choices. Each one will affect his familial relationships as well as his romantic ones.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Holding On To Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> I finished writing this and edited it at 2am so there may be typos and incorrect grammar. Let me know in the comments and I will fix it ASAP. Enjoy!

Cas stared up blankly, lying on his back. Cold tears trickled down from his eyes in a gentle stream, tracing down his cheeks to his ears. The Empty stood above him; a wicked smile stretched on a replica of Dean’s face. Ever since he had been snatched up by the nasty black goo, there had been nonstop emotional torture. Cas closed his eyes thinking to himself, _somehow this is worse than physical pain_. He feels a swift and heavy kick delivered to his ribs, shaking his core, and making a dull pain blossom on his side. His eyes flutter open as his face twists into a wince. The Empty leans down, evilly glaring down at him with his cruel lips screw into a rancid smirk. “I love youuuu,” he croons with a taste of venom in a voice that should have belonged only to Dean.

Cas lets out a gentle whimper. No matter how many times the Empty used this technique, he still felt sharp pains shoot through his heart as Dean’s tear stained face stares at him, confused. Their last interaction is burned into Cas’ memory and the Empty only makes it ache. He had confessed to Dean, both making his spirits soar and his world crumble. The Empty gives him a little pout, fake concern flashing through its eyes, almost looking sincere enough to convince Cas that Dean had come for him. It kneeled beside him, caressing Cas’ face lightly. Cas lets out a whispery sigh before he jerks his head away. The Empty’s eyes flash, a midnight black invading the normally brilliant green. Its arm reels back, preparing to deliver a blow when a small voice chirps out into the void, “hello.”

The Empty whips its head around, staring at the intruder. Cas blearily lifts his head, convinced this is just another form of torture. His eye catches on a little white coat clad kid, staring at Cas and the Empty with their head cocked and eyebrows scrunched. The kids’ hand is raised in a frozen wave as he stares back. Cas props himself up gently yet painfully on his elbow, analyzing the figure before him, his mouth open ajar. As it stands above Cas, the Empty clenches its fist, causing Cas’ airways to be squeezed shut. “Jack…” he chokes out between labored breaths.

He can’t tell if this is another trick or not, so he lets his head thud back down against the floor. He closes his eyes, clenching them wearily, waiting for the vise in his throat to fade and the Empty to move on to a somewhat less painful method of torture. Of all the people that the Empty had used to trick and hurt him, Jack was one of the most painful. Cas hears faint footsteps, pacing closer as the Empty hisses out, “you!”

Cas’ eyes snap open, his head lurching back up to his son. It didn’t sound like this was a trick. The Empty sounded angry, but also… scared? His gaze sways between the two figures, his face crumpling in confusion at the dynamic. Jack steps closer, their hands slipped into the pockets of their jeans as they alternate between smiling at Cas and squinting at the Empty. Cas chokes as the Empty clenches its fist tighter. He watches as Jack’s face twists in confused anger, “let him go.”

Dean’s face, no, the Empty’s face, screws its lips into a cautious sneer. It stares at Jack, the glistening green eyes narrowing into slits. Cas and the Empty realize what is so off about Jack in the same instance. The Empty’s face drops in surprise before its form dissipates, scattering back into the void before Jack can even raise their hand to threaten it. Cas stares at them, eyeing his kid, willing it to not be a trick. His eyes widen as Jack walks over to him, their steps kicking up little echoes as they walk. Cas shrinks into himself, still wary that he would be hurt emotionally or physically. Jack leans down, reaching out their hand to help him up. Cas takes it, barely allowing himself to hope. Jack smiles at him, pulling Cas into a hug, and closing their eyes. Jack whispers in Cas’ ear, “glad to have you back Dad.”

With a snap of Jack’s fingers, a door opens in the void, bright light shining at the other end. The shining frame envelopes them, whisking them from the dark wasteland and to a field. Cas melts into their arms, letting himself savor this small second of solace as he hugs his child. Slowly they release each other, turning slowly to face an old barn, flashing lights bouncing off the walls as emergency vehicles stand parked before them. The humans were packing up, a stretcher with a large shape on it being shoved into the back of an ambulance. Cas watches as a tall figure lumbers out of the shadows, their back slumped and their head downcast. With a jolt, Cas recognized the crestfallen human to be Sam. Eagerly, he looks around for Dean, nervous to see him, but hopeful.

Cas steps closer, as far as he possibly can before Jack grabs his arm. Cas turns and looks at him, confusion tearing across his face. Jack’s eyes are filled with pain as their eyes search Cas’ face. Cas’ weary smile fades and tears flood his bright blue eyes. He wrenches out of Jack’s grip and tears across the grass to the ambulance. No one looks at him as he brushes between paramedics, not even Sam lifts his head. Cas stops at the entrance of the ambulance, peering down at the limp figure before him, a white sheet covering its face. He lets out a shaky sob and lifts the corner of the sheet, pulling it back just enough to see a pale and freckled face looking back at him. His eyes are slightly open, a dull and gloomy green staring back. The eyes that had been filled with sparks that flew and a raging fire were somber and had lost their luster. Cas sobbed, his hand flying up to cover his mouth as tears slid down his cheeks.

He hides his face in his hands, weeping over the corpse of his best friend, his brother, the love of his life. Cas feels a rough hand settle on his shoulder, and he lets out a lighter sob as his cries subside. He turns around, expecting Jack to be behind him. He is surprised when a faded silhouette stares back at him. His jaw drops and he lets out a sharp exhale. A washed-out Dean stares back at him, a wispy hand on his shoulder. Cas sobs, embracing the ghostly figure and crying into its shoulder. People brush by Castiel and his ghost as the paramedics pack up and leave, whisking away Dean’s body.

Sam finally looks up, his glossy eyes catching on Cas who appears to be holding and sobbing into the air. He stumbles over, sore and defeated. “Cas, what’re you doing.”

Cas releases Dean, looking over to Sam before rushing over and embracing the weary giant. He doesn’t answer as he grips Sam tightly. Too tired to complain, Sam hugs him back, glancing around to see what Cas was holding as his chin rests on Cas’ head. Cas releases him, whipping back around to find both Jack and Dean gone, not a trace of either to be seen. The only thing that remains is a little note near Cas’ feet. He kneels, his knees grinding into the dirt as he picks up the folded paper. He unfolds the note, carefully maneuvering the flimsy paper. Once opened, he begins to read it aloud as Sam peers over his shoulder.

_You have two choices Castiel, each of which have their own benefits. Your answer should you choose option 1 will not be changeable until your death at the end of your full human lifetime._

  1. _You may remain a human and live out the rest of your mortal life on the Earth. Upon your death you may become an angel again or you may live out eternity in your own Heaven like most humans do._
  2. _You will be returned to your status as an angel with the responsibility of helping me rebuild Heaven in my image._



_I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you this in person Dad, I had to get Dean to where he belonged before he got caught in the middle._

  * _Jack (and Amara)_



Cas let out a heavy sigh, dropping the paper on the ground. He puts his head in his hands, unsure of the choice he should make. Sam kneels beside him as well, picking up the paper and reading it for himself. He places it back in front of Cas when he is finished, staring into the ground in silence as he waits. His hollow voice rings out into the night, “what choice are you going to make Cas?”

Cas stares at the ground, mentally begging it to swallow him and never let go. Maybe staying in the Empty would have been better because none of it was real. Cas had seen Dean die hundreds of times, whether by his own hands with Naomi or through the several manifestations of the Empty. Still, this hurt so much more. This was permanent and Cas felt that in whatever poor excuse he had for a soul that Dean was never coming back, at least not to life. More tears spilled forth from his eyes, blurring his vision. Heavy sobs shake his entire body as he kneels on the cold dirt floor. He doesn’t answer Sam, he can’t answer him because for once in his long life, he isn’t sure what to do. Should he stay with Sammy and watch out for him until his time is up and he gets to see Dean at the end of his mortal life? Or should he cut the time in half and see the love of his life as fast as possible?

He looks up at Sam, tears blurring his vision, begging for him to answer so Cas doesn’t have to choose. For once in his life, Cas does not want to choose. He is tired of choosing whether to leave or stay, whether it be leaving the Winchesters or Heaven or his family. He continued to stare up at Sam, the stars glistening in the tears leaking from his eyes. It was such a beautiful night despite such a morbid and heartbreaking event occurring. Cas could never forgive the world for shining with such passion when his bright star of a human had been snuffed out way before his time. How could the rest of the world continue spinning while his had died in a shitty barn. A harsh and broken voice tears into his head and Cas’ attention snaps back to Sam’s face as he notices his gaze had strayed to the stars.

Sam whispers to him, his voice cracking, “Cas, you have to choose.”

“I can’t”

“Then I’ll choose for you… go.”

“What?”

Sam’s voice rises in confidence, “You heard me Cas. Jack will need your help, hell, he’s your son.” His voice sinks to a whisper once more as if he is afraid someone who is no longer there will here him, “I know how you felt about my brother. The two of you need each other more than I need you. Give him my best and take care of him Castiel. Please, promise me that.”

Cas lets out a shaky sob, his blurred vision lazily drifting back to the stars. His voice starts as a mere whisper then grows with each word until he is shouting into the darkness. “I promise, I promise, I promise, I promise.”

He screams with every fiber of his being, begging Jack to steal him away all while once again wholly devoting himself to Humanity. Sam flinches at the raw pain clawing it’s way out of Cas’ throat and into the night sky. He knows for sure that Cas would do anything for Dean. It was no longer Sam’s responsibility to watch over his older brother. With a sudden and bright flash of golden light, Cas was enveloped and disappeared from sight. Sam had to look away, his eyes burning and every atom in his body aching. When he turns back around, Cas is gone. He is left with no trace of the angel nor his brother.

Cas opens his eyes. His entire body tingles, grace flowing through him once more. He feels invigorated and more alive than he had in a long time. He looks around, the world around him glowing with an unearthly essence. He turns his head, letting his gaze slide over the landscape before him. His eyes snag on a man standing a few feet away by a familiar vehicle. The man’s emerald eyes shimmer with tears as he stares at Cas. Cas sobs, rushing towards his hunter. Dean wraps him up in a big hug, holding him close, his lips brushing Cas’ ear. Cas grips his flannel tight, sobbing into his chest, ignoring the fact that he is a powerful angel and not a blubbering baby. Dean holds him for what feels like years before he begins to whisper comforting words into Cas’ ear. “I missed you Cas… it’s gonna be alright… I didn’t mean to go… you shoulda stayed with Sam…” He stutters briefly, his breath hitching and his chest tensing under Cas’ cheek. “I love you,” he whispers so quietly that if Cas were not an angel, he would not have heard it.

Cas sobs, whispering it back over and over again as he clings to his Humanity. Dean starts crying too, holding him tighter as tears drip down into Cas’ thick brown hair. Jack watches from afar, content to leave their dads in a pocket of peace for a while longer. The two cry in near silence, just an angel and his hunter.


End file.
